Think of every inspirational movie you’ve ever seen and try to name one that doesn’t have the main star ‘overcoming all odds’ or dramatically failing on several occasions. It’s a bit hard isn’t it?
That’s because nobody wants to watch a movie where the main character is born into money, given a big company, and does nothing but follow in his rich daddy’s footsteps. It’s not as exciting as the poverty-stricken homeless man rising up and building the multi million dollar company from scratch.
Take the ‘Pursuit of Happyness’ for example. After a rather irrational decision, Chris Gardener puts his entire life savings on the line for an invention which doesn’t really come through for him. He breaks up with his wife and is left without a home, a job, money, or transport while still looking after his young son. Chris is forced to endure all of this for six months while training (un-payed) as a stockbroker for a big firm. Of course in the end Chris receives the job and his life gets back on track. This is all based on a true story, and the real Chris Gardener now is a multimillionaire. Anybody who has seen the film can vouch for it’s inspiring nature. The end scene still gives me goose bumps and people can’t help but feel ecstatic for his success;
“This part of my life... this part right here? This is called "happyness."”
But now try to imagine if Chris had received the job years before hand. Imagine he was still happily married with a child on the way, a nice house, a car and no debts to pay. He could train up in the six months comfortably still living at home and enjoying life. In the end he’d get the job and it would be the exact same result as it is now, but this would have been boring, dull, expected. Why? Because he didn’t overcome anything. He didn’t fail, or falter, or even rise. If Chris had not had to overcome any obstacles and he was living happily during his six months training then the story would have been anything but inspirational. There are those old sayings about the journey being more important than the final result. “Our lessons come from the journey, not the destination.” Is one of many.
This is certainly the case for inspiration. While the end result of getting a high paying job, or becoming part of an elite sporting team are great achievements, they are made so much greater by the events leading up to them. The more obstacles a person needs to overcome, the sweeter the victory is at the end. Every time they fail, they are only inspiring themselves more to succeed. Failure is a part of life, a part which should never be taken with bitterness, resentment or wary, but instead an open mind and flexibility;
“The biggest mistake an athlete can make is to be afraid to make one”
I can never remember who said this, only that it was a world-class basketball coach.
“The greatest feeling in the world is to win a major league game. The second-greatest feeling is to lose a major league game”. ~Chuck Tanner
Every failure should be one that you can learn from. One you can improve on and one that you can endeavour to avoid in the future. I found a funny quote a while back about mistakes:
"Mistakes are a part of being human. Appreciate your mistakes for what they are: precious life lessons that can only be learned the hard way. Unless it's a fatal mistake, which, at least, others can learn from."
It’s all about desire. How much you want something and what you’re willing to do to get a hold of it. You can’t be afraid of failure, it just makes it inevitable. When you do fail, you need to be composed and determined enough to recover from it. Failure is like a spiral. It has a snowball effect which makes it harder and harder to recover from. One small mistake is easily ignored or fixed. Even three or four can be managed. But the moment you drop your head and give up is the moment it goes beyond repair.
“You try, you fail. You try, you fail. But the only true failure is when you stop trying.”
This is one of the greatest lines I have ever come across. I saw it in the movie “Haunted Mansion” a very long time ago but I’ve never forgotten it. I hope you don’t either. For every mistake you make, think of it as just another moment of relief and happiness to come your way the moment it’s been fixed.
And the truth of the matter is; everything can be fixed.
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Ignorance Is Bliss
True love. How deceptive.
What is true love? Often people refer to it with old couples that are still going strong;
“My grandparents met at 15 and were each others first girlfriend and boyfriend and they’ve stayed together ever since” - That’s not true love, that’s ignorance. That’s accepting what we have as the best it’s ever going to be. Not aiming high because we’re afraid of the fall. That’s giving up before even trying. Even the crappy home brand chocolate would have the sweetest taste to one who hasn’t tried better.
Do you remember when you were young? And the first time you did anything it was exciting? Everything was always better the first time around - riding on the bus, building a sandcastle, playing in the rain. It was all so different, interesting, exciting! Imagine never getting off the bus or never building another sandcastle. That same old smelly bus is the one you’d be stuck with for the rest of your life. And your one bucket sand castle looks miniscule compared to the other structures those ‘Big kids’ have made. Now, I’m not calling your grandparents a smelly old bus or a clump of sand, I’m just exploring the point.
And the point is that they don’t know any better. They can’t possibly say that their ‘lover’ is better than any one of the other billion potential candidates out there. That their love for one another is stronger then other peoples, just because they have been together for longer. In fact, those couples who have been ‘perfect’ for each other right from the start are probably as far away from true love as it gets. They are in love with love. They are the aged and not as tragic Romeo and Juliet, although in a way their tragedy is far worse.
They like the affection, the attention, the security. As do we all. But often we need to take a few times to get it right. We need to find the healthy balance between those ‘positive’ things that humans need and the ‘not-so-positive’ things that are also necessary. Curiosity, excitement, impulse, recklessness, disregard - there’s no such thing as a utopian society. None of us are perfect. We have cravings, wants, needs. Sometimes people want to fight. Sometimes people want to be alone; to take some time off and relax, to free up their mind, to wallow in self-pity. Sometimes people want to get angry, or cry, or flee. Sometimes it’s just for the hell of it. Life is too short and boring to live it the same way everyday for 60 years. It’s true that sometimes people are lucky and they find that special person which offers the perfect balance between affection and excitement, but more often then not it’s a load of tripe. An idealistic future with the ignorance stuck on repeat.
So what is true love then? Does it exist? I believe it does. It’s all subjective though. There you are probably sitting on your chair thinking “What a load of crap. My grandparents really are in love!” - and I never said they weren’t. But remember that men were in love with swords before guns came along. But who knows? Maybe two oldies sitting on a couch eating scones and drinking tea really is what true love is all about, but maybe it isn’t.
I think true love is something which withstands more than just time. One that has had almost as many lows as they have had highs. Everytime they climb up they get pushed right back down. It doesn’t sound very appealing. But if you are constantly wading through problems and having to fight for the person you’re with then it makes the good times that much sweeter. You manage to forget about all the hassle and pain and for a moment (however short) you’re in total bliss. The end justifies the means. And you won’t make it to the peak straight away, you’ll need to fight for that. Bit by bit you climb, bit by bit you fall. Trial and error. That’s all it is. There’s no such thing as a ‘perfect relationship’, if you think you’re in one - you’re doing something wrong.
In the end it’s just that healthy balance between self and partner, comfort and excitement, security and impulse. Your grandparents might have this healthy balance, they might not. Either way if they’ve been together for as long as you say they have then they are obviously happy right? I guess it’s true what they say, ignorance really is bliss.
What is true love? Often people refer to it with old couples that are still going strong;
“My grandparents met at 15 and were each others first girlfriend and boyfriend and they’ve stayed together ever since” - That’s not true love, that’s ignorance. That’s accepting what we have as the best it’s ever going to be. Not aiming high because we’re afraid of the fall. That’s giving up before even trying. Even the crappy home brand chocolate would have the sweetest taste to one who hasn’t tried better.
Do you remember when you were young? And the first time you did anything it was exciting? Everything was always better the first time around - riding on the bus, building a sandcastle, playing in the rain. It was all so different, interesting, exciting! Imagine never getting off the bus or never building another sandcastle. That same old smelly bus is the one you’d be stuck with for the rest of your life. And your one bucket sand castle looks miniscule compared to the other structures those ‘Big kids’ have made. Now, I’m not calling your grandparents a smelly old bus or a clump of sand, I’m just exploring the point.
And the point is that they don’t know any better. They can’t possibly say that their ‘lover’ is better than any one of the other billion potential candidates out there. That their love for one another is stronger then other peoples, just because they have been together for longer. In fact, those couples who have been ‘perfect’ for each other right from the start are probably as far away from true love as it gets. They are in love with love. They are the aged and not as tragic Romeo and Juliet, although in a way their tragedy is far worse.
They like the affection, the attention, the security. As do we all. But often we need to take a few times to get it right. We need to find the healthy balance between those ‘positive’ things that humans need and the ‘not-so-positive’ things that are also necessary. Curiosity, excitement, impulse, recklessness, disregard - there’s no such thing as a utopian society. None of us are perfect. We have cravings, wants, needs. Sometimes people want to fight. Sometimes people want to be alone; to take some time off and relax, to free up their mind, to wallow in self-pity. Sometimes people want to get angry, or cry, or flee. Sometimes it’s just for the hell of it. Life is too short and boring to live it the same way everyday for 60 years. It’s true that sometimes people are lucky and they find that special person which offers the perfect balance between affection and excitement, but more often then not it’s a load of tripe. An idealistic future with the ignorance stuck on repeat.
So what is true love then? Does it exist? I believe it does. It’s all subjective though. There you are probably sitting on your chair thinking “What a load of crap. My grandparents really are in love!” - and I never said they weren’t. But remember that men were in love with swords before guns came along. But who knows? Maybe two oldies sitting on a couch eating scones and drinking tea really is what true love is all about, but maybe it isn’t.
I think true love is something which withstands more than just time. One that has had almost as many lows as they have had highs. Everytime they climb up they get pushed right back down. It doesn’t sound very appealing. But if you are constantly wading through problems and having to fight for the person you’re with then it makes the good times that much sweeter. You manage to forget about all the hassle and pain and for a moment (however short) you’re in total bliss. The end justifies the means. And you won’t make it to the peak straight away, you’ll need to fight for that. Bit by bit you climb, bit by bit you fall. Trial and error. That’s all it is. There’s no such thing as a ‘perfect relationship’, if you think you’re in one - you’re doing something wrong.
In the end it’s just that healthy balance between self and partner, comfort and excitement, security and impulse. Your grandparents might have this healthy balance, they might not. Either way if they’ve been together for as long as you say they have then they are obviously happy right? I guess it’s true what they say, ignorance really is bliss.
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